Captain Underpants 7
by Brockster550
Summary: The battle continues, but with the Ridiculous Robo-Boogers in this one. George, Harold and Em have to find a way to stop them once and for all. But with Melvin Sneedly being selfish and taking Captain Underpants' super powers away, can George, Harold, Em and Captain Underpants stop the big, bad battle of the Bionic Booger Boy? Reading the story is the only way to look for answers.


Captain Underpants 7: The Big, Bad Battle Of The Bionic Booger Boy

Part 2: The Revenge Of The Ridiculous Robo-Boogers

by Brockster550

No copyright intended, I just own the fanfic

Ch. 1

George, Harold and Emily

This is George Beard, Harold Hutchins and Emily Krupp. George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top. Harold is the one on the right with the t-shirt and the bad haircut. Emily is the only girl in the middle with shoulder-length blonde hair kept straight, a polka dot blouse and a red overall skirt. Remember that now.

This is Mr. Krupp, Melvin Sneedly and Sulu the Bionic Hamster. Mr. Krupp is the one on the left with the underwear and the bald head. Melvin is the one on the right with the bow tie and glasses. Sulu is the hamstery-looking one in the middle with the laser eyeballs, the Macro-Hydraulic Jump-A-Tronic legs, the Super Somgobulating mini Automo-Arms, the virtually indestructable Flexo-Gromonic endoskeleton, and the Twin Turbo-3000 SP5 Kung-Fu Titanium/Lithium Alloy Processor. Remember that now, too.

And these are the three Ridiculous Robo-Boogers. Three of the vilest, most disgusting, and most terrifying creatures ever to drip across the face of the Earth. Even their _names_ were horrible, monstrous monikers, the sound of which would drive madness into the hearts of the bravest heroes. If you dare to know their nightmarishly deplorable names, I will tell you, but don't blame me if you have to sleep with a night light for the rest of your life. Their names were (from left to right) Carl, Trixie and Frankenbooger. See? I told you their names were scary.

Carl, Trixie and Frankenbooger each bellowed out terrifying, ear-piercing screams of unstoppable fury as they chased our heroes down the city streets. Finally, the Robo-Boogers cornered everyone at a dead-end alley. The three, phlegmish fiends oozed closer and closer, until at last they leaped toward their prey. The situation became so frightening that George, Harold, Em (Emily's nickname George and Harold decided to give her), Mr. Krupp and Melvin closed their eyes tightly and waited for the inevitable and terrifying sounds of their demise.

 _GLoBBle! GLoBBle! GLoBBle!_ But, instead of hearing the sounds of their inevitable demise, our heroes heard something different. You see, at the very last second, Sulu The Bionic Hamster stretched his Flexo-Gromonic jaw open and shoved the three boogery behemoths into his mouth. Sulu's bionic cheeks swelled to capacity as he raised his furry head toward the sky. Then, with the force of a lunar shuttle liftoff, Sulu shot the three slimy villains into space. _SPIT-TOOIE! SPIT-TOOIE! SPIT-TOOIE!_ The three Ridiculous Robo-Boogers sailed through the sky like cannonballs. In no time at all, they left Earth's atmosphere and began sailing toward Uranus. The terrifying battle was over.

"Wow, that was a really quick story!" said Harold.

"This could be our shortest adventure yet!" said Em.

"Ain't that the truth!" said George.

Ch. 2

It Ain't

Unfortunately for George, Harold and Em, their adventure had only just begun. As everyone started walking back to the school, a confusing argument got underway.

"I want my hamster back." insisted Mr. Krupp.

" _Your_ hamster?" said George. "First of all, he's _OUR_ hamster now. And second of all, he never belonged to you, he belonged to Melvin!"

"I don't care who he belongs to," interrupted Melvin. "Hamsters aren't allowed in school, especially not in MY SCHOOL! I'm giving all four of you bubs a detention for bringing that furry beast into your classroom!"

"You can't give us a detention," said Harold. "You're just a kid like us!"

Suddenly, Mr. and Mrs. Sneedly came running toward them.

"Melvin, you're alright!" cried Mrs. Sneedly.

"We're so glad you're safe, son!" cried Mr. Sneedly.

"Mommy! Poppa!" cried Mr. Krupp as he dashed towards Melvin's parents with open arms, much to Em's shock and confusion. The sight of a grown man with a bald head in his underwear made Mrs. Sneedly scream in horror.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" yelled Mr. Sneedly.

"It's me, Poppa," cried Mr. Krupp. "Don't you recognize your own son?"

"Get away from us, you... you... you WEIRDO!" yelled Mrs. Sneedly as she hit Mr. Krupp with her purse.

Melvin ignored the commotion and went into the school. Melvin stormed upstairs to the school office. Everybody except Miss Anthrope had already gone home for the day, and she was getting ready to leave, too.

" _Just where do you think you're going, woman_?!" shouted Melvin.

Miss Anthrope turned around and stared in shock at seeing a fourth grader behind her, finding it hard to believe hearing what he called her.

"What did you JUST SAY?!" she cried in a voice that was rapidly becoming a scream. "Who... WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

"I'm the guy who's gonna fire your hiney if you don't get me my coffee... _NOW_!" yelled Melvin.

Normally, school secretaries don't have the authority to hang a child from the coat rack by his underwear, but today had been a particularly stressful day for Miss Anthrope. She had been covered in snot, carried through town by a rampaging robotic monster, and (worst of all) forced to chaperone an elementary school field trip. Now it was payback time.

Ch. 3

Mr. Melvin and Kruppy The Kid

Miss Anthrope gathered her things and left for home, grumbling under her breath as she passed George, Harold and Em in the hallway. The three could hear Melvin's angry shouts coming from down the hall, so they went to the main office to investigate. As the three were busy trying to get Melvin off the rack, Mr. Krupp came in, sweaty and out of breath.

"You guys gotta help me!" cried Mr. Krupp. "My mom and dad are trying to kill me, has the world gone mad?"

"Relax, Einstein," said Em calmly. "And put some clothes on!"

George, Harold and Em had already figured out what was going on, so they all went into the principal's office to tell Mr. Krupp and Melvin the situation.

"You see," explained Harold as Mr. Krupp finished getting dressed. "After you guys got morphed together by the Combine-O-Tron 2000, the batteries were switched around and separated you. But for some strange reason, it switched your brains around."

"That means Mr. Krupp's brain is inside Melvin's body, and Melvin's brain is inside Mr. Krupp's body." stated George.

"That's a buncha BUNK!" yelled Melvin.

"Take a look at yourselves." said Em. She pulled out a full-length mirror in front of Melvin and Mr. Krupp.

"I'm...I'm a kid again!" said the guy who looks like Melvin but has Mr. Krupp's brain.

"I'm old and fat and bald and ugly," said the guy who looks like Mr. Krupp but has Melvin's brain. "And I have bad breath and creepy nosehairs and..."

"HEY!" yelled the guy who looks like Melvin but has Mr. Krupp's brain.

At this point, you're probably saying to yourself: "Dang, this book is getting confusing!" But don't worry, this whole mess will be cleared up by the end of chapter 13. But for now, let's rename the two characters who have the right brains in the wrong bodies. We'll call the guy who looks like Mr. Krupp (but has Melvin's brain) "Mr. Melvin" and the guy who looks like Melvin (but has Mr. Krupp's brain) "Kruppy The Kid."

Ch. 4

Things Get Worse

Kruppy The Kid climbed up onto his chair and demanded an explanation for this whole mix-up.

"I could've solved this problem right away if I still had my Combine-O-Tron 2000," said Mr. Melvin sheepishly, "But it got smashed in the last book."

"Then start building a new one bub!" ordered Kruppy The Kid.

"Okay," said Mr. Melvin. "But it'll take six months."

"SIX MONTHS?!" yelled Kruppy The Kid, outraged. "I can't go around looking like a kid for six months. I have a school to run, buster!"

"Sorry," whimpered Mr. Melvin, "But building a cellular combiner is extremely difficult. It takes time. It's not like building a robot, or a time machine, or a Photo-Atomic Trans-Somgobulating Yectofantriplutoniczanziptomiser!"

"Wait a minute," said George. "Did you just say that building a time machine is easy?"

"Yeah, it just takes a day or two, why?" said Mr. Melvin.

"Well, why don't you just build a time machine instead," suggested George. "Then you can go back in time to before the Combine-O-Tron 2000 got smashed, grab it, and bring it back to the present time."

Mr. Melvin thought for a minute, and then his eyes lit up. "I've got it!" said Mr. Melvin, snapping his fingers (also taking credit for George's idea). "I'll just build a time machine, then go back in time to before the Combine-O-Tron 2000 got smashed, grab it and bring it back to the... HEY, what's he doing?"

Everybody turned and looked at Kruppy The Kid, who had stripped down to his underwear and was now tying a red curtain around his neck.

"YIKES!" screamed Em. "GET SOME WATER! GET SOME WATER!"

Harold ran to the drinking fountain, but he was too late. Kruppy The Kid shouted a triumphant "Tra-la-laaaaa!" as he flew out the window.

Ch. 5

Things Get Worser

"Did...did you guys just see that?" cried Mr. Melvin. "I just... I mean, Kruppy The Kid just flew out the window. He FLEW!"

"Yeah, we know." said George with a sigh.

"That's... that's _amazing_!" cried Mr. Melvin. "He must think he's Captain Underpants or something. Or... or could it be? Could our principal really BE Captain Underpants?"

"Well, duh!" said Harold.

"But Mr. Krupp doesn't look anything like Captain Underpants," said Mr. Melvin frantically. "Captain Underpants is bald, and Mr. Krupp usually has hair. Hey, I know! Maybe Mr. Krupp wears a toupee?"

"I thought you were supposed to be in the 'gifted' program." said Em.

"But... but how can he fly? Where did he get his superpowers?" asked Mr. Melvin.

"It's a long story." stated Harold.

Mr. Melvin calmed down a bit, then he walked confidently across the room, and sat in the principal's chair. He leaned back, and smiled a devilish grin.

"Well, why don't you go ahead and tell me about it?" said Mr. Melvin. "I've got all the time in the world!"

Ch. 6

Things Get Worserest

George, Harold and Em had no choice but to come clean. They told Mr. Melvin the whole story of Captain Underpants: how they hypnotized Mr. Krupp, how he drank Extra-Strength Super Power Juice, and how his superpowers must've somehow gotten transferred into Melvin's body along with Mr. Krupp's brain. While George, Harold and Em were talking, the smile on Mr. Melvin's face grew wider and wider, eviler and eviler.

"What are you smiling about?" asked George angrily. "This is SERIOUS!"

"Yeah," said Harold. "Things are already outta hand here!"

"We'll all be in big trouble if we don't switch things back to normal!" stated Em.

"Correction," said Mr. Melvin, pointing to the three. "You guys will be in big trouble. All MY troubles are OVER! I, Melvin Sneedly, will transfer back to my old body, but keep those superpowers for myself. I'm gonna become the world's first super powered kid!"

"Hey, you can't do that!" said Harold.

 _"I can do whatever I want!"_ snapped Mr. Melvin. "I'm in charge now. I look just like the principal, so I'm going to make the rules, and you three will follow them, or else..."

"Or else what?" asked George.

"Or else," said Mr. Melvin. "I'll order your teachers to give you all twelve hours of homework every night for the next eight years!"

That shut George, Harold and Em up. Mr. Melvin's first order was for George, Harold and Em to create a new comic book about the world's first super-powered kid, Melvin Sneedly.

"Give me a cool name, like _Big Melvin_ or _Mystery Melvin_..." said Mr. Melvin.

"MYSTERY MELVIN?" said George, Harold and Em in disbelief.

"...and make up a story where I defeat Captain Underpants and become the world's greatest superhero. And you'd better not make me look stupid either!" shouted Mr. Melvin.

"But we can't make a comic book now," cried Harold. "We have to chase after Captain Kruppy the... uh... Underpants Kid!"

"You can chase after him all you want," said Mr. Melvin, " _AFTER_ you make that comic book. Now get going! I've got a time machine to build."

Ch. 7

The Purple Potty

Mr. Melvin went out and bought all the stuff needed to build his time machine. Now he just needed a _place_ to build it. He wanted someplace quiet and private. Someplace empty and secluded. A room that nobody ever, EVER used.

"I've got it," he cried. "Our school library!"

The library at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School had once been a wonderful place of knowledge and learning. But a few years back, the librarian, Miss Singerbrains had begun banning most of the books. Now the library was filled with rows upon rows of empty bookshelves and posters warning about the potential subversive dangers of reading. It was the perfect place to hatch an evil plan.

"Welcome, sir," said Miss Singerbrains. "Have you come to check out the book?"

"Uh, no," said Mr. Melvin. "I need a large box, like a phone booth or something."

"There's a purple portable potty down in the basement." informed Miss Singerbrains.

"That'll do," said Mr. Melvin. "Go get it for me."

"I can't carry that thing up three flights of stairs by myself!" cried Miss Singerbrains.

"Alright, alright," said Mr. Melvin. "I'll help you."

So Mr. Melvin supervised Miss Singerbrains while she carried the purple portable potty up the treacherous steps.

"Good job," said Mr. Melvin. "Now go clean out your desk. You're fired."

" _FIRED?!_ " cried Miss Singerbrains. "What for?"

"Uh... for the rest of your life!" said Mr. Melvin.

Ch. 8

Meanwhile, Back In Outer Space...

A team of scientists working for the Piqua Order of Professional Space and Interplanetary Explorers (POOPSIE) were on their way to investigate the planet Uranus, when they came across something that was very strange. Major "Buzz" Tomski and his crew had just discovered what appeared to be robots and toilets resting on the planet's surface. The astronauts were so busy looking at their monitor that they didn't notice the three slimy, squishy, boogery things heading toward their spaceship. The Robo-Boogers landed on the back with a noticeable Splat! Suddenly, a very concerned voice came across the POOPSIE space phone.

"What's going on up there, bub?" asked Ground Control. "Is everything alright?"

"W-we're okay," said Major Tomski as he unzipped the cockpit's window for a better look. "But it appears that our ship had just been splattered by three unidentified squishy objects!"

"That does it," said Ground Control. "This mission is just getting too strange. I want you to turn that space shuttle around and come on back home."

"Will do." said Major Tomski.

So he pushed the clutch and turned the space shuttle around. In no time at all, the POOPSIE space shuttle was heading back toward Earth... with three giggling stowaways hanging on for the long ride home.

Ch. 9

Mean Mr. Melvin

The next day, Mr. Melvin was just putting the finishing touches on the time machine when he heard cries of laughter out in the hallway. He opened the library door and saw a group of third graders happily reading George, Harold and Em's newest comic book. Mr. Melvin stomped toward them, grabbed the comic book out of their hands and gasped in horror.

"WHAT THE..." he screamed as he looked at the cover.

The comic book was called: _Captain Underpants And The War Of The Wily Wonder Nerd._ It even showed Melvin looking stupid (or so, he thinks).

That made Mr. Melvin furious, so he went to the office, turned on the intercom and announced: " **George Beard, Harold Hutchins and Emily Krupp, please meet Mr. Melv...er, I mean Mr.** ** _Krupp_** **in the school library RIGHT NOW!** "

"We have a library?" said George.

After about twenty minutes of searching, George, Harold and Em finally reached a room they had never seen before. They entered cautiously, stepping quietly past rows upon rows of empty bookshelves until they met up with Mr. Melvin.

"I told you guys to give me a cool name and NOT make me look stupid!" He screamed, clutching the comic book in his sweaty hand.

"Oops," said George. "I thought you said to give you a stupid name and _not_ make you look cool."

"Yeah," said Harold. "Total accident."

"It was an honest misunderstanding." said Em.

Mr. Melvin threw the comic book to the ground, then led George, Harold and Em to the purple potty.

"Remember when I had that great idea to build a time machine?" asked Mr. Melvin.

"Actually, that was _my_..." said George.

"Well, here it is," interrupted Mr. Melvin. "And you three smarty-pantses are going to test it out for me."

"Huh?" said Em.

"I'm sending you three back in time to the day before yesterday." said Mr. Melvin. "And you'd better not return until you've got the Combine-O-Tron 2000."

"Cool," said George. "I've always wanted to travel through time."

Mr. Melvin had a great deal of instructions for George, Harold and Em before they set out on their journey. Although the instructions were quite boring, it would've benefited the three if they had paid attention instead of switching the letters around on the nearby bulletin board. Mr. Melvin spoke at length about the workings of the time machine and the proper etiquette of time travel.

"You must be very careful that nobody sees you on your journey," warned Mr. Melvin. "if they do, just zap them with my new invention, the Forgetchamacallit 2000." Mr. Melvin also set down the fake Combine-O-Tron 2000 next to it.

"The Forgetchamacallit 2000 will erase the short term memory of those who have spotted you," Mr. Melvin continued. "So they won't remember ever seeing you." He then gave them instructions for the fake Combine-O-Tron 2000.

"You will also need to switch this with the real Combine-O-Tron 2000 in any way you can," Mr. Melvin continued. "But, do make sure that the short term memory of those around you gets erased, so a time paradox doesn't happen."

Mr. Melvin then gave George, Harold and Em a very important warning: "Whatever you do, it is _very_ important that you don't use this time machine two days in a row. It needs to cool off _every other day_ , or else it might open up an oppozo-dimensional reality rift that might destroy the entire planet."

George, Harold and Em started laughing at their new message on the bulletin board. "HEY!" shouted Mr. Melvin in an aggrivated voice. "Didn't you three even pay attention to one word I said?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said George. "We have to switch the thing with the thingy!"

"And if anybody sees us," said Harold. "We'll zap them with the whichamajiggy!"

"Don't worry, we _got_ it!" assured Em.

So the three stepped into the Purple Potty as Mr. Melvin closed the door behind them. Harold set the controller for the day before yesterday, with George then pulling the chain. Suddenly, there was a flash of green light, and the Purple Potty disappeared.

Ch. 10

The Day Before Yesterday

After a few minutes of flashing lights, everything became quiet. Harold opened the door and peeked out into the darkened library. Cautiously, the three time travelers stepped out and walked to the window and peeked out. There, they saw Melvin's father, Mr. Sneedly, zapping the Bionic Booger Boy with a blast from the Combine-O-Tron 2000.

"Been there." said George.

"Done that." said Harold.

In the corner, George, Harold and Em spotted a hat and coat, which belonged to Miss Singerbrains. Suddenly, Em came up with an idea. She whispered it to George and Harold. Then Harold put the coat and hat on, and climbed onto George's shoulder, with George tucking the Forgetchamacallit 2000 into his pocket, and grabbed ahold of the fake Combine-O-Tron 2000. Em then buttoned up the coat.

"I sure hope this plan works." said Em.

"I hope so," said Harold. "We can't risk letting anybody recognize us."

"I guess I'd better stay here." stated Em.

"Yeah, good idea," said George. "We can't even risk our past selves seeing you."

"Good luck you two." said Em as George and Harold walked out of the library.

Soon George and Harold made it to the scene of the action. Mr. Sneedly fired the Combine-O-Tron 2000 a second time, and now the boys made their move.

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Sneedly," said Harold, trying very hard to sound like a grown-up. "I'd like to present unto you _The Most Brilliantest Science Guy Of The Whole Wide World Award."_

"Really?" cried Mr. Sneedly with joy. "It's always been my dream to win that award!"

"But first," said Harold. "I'd like to have a look at that Combine-O-Thingy."

"Okay!" said Mr. Sneedly as he handed to Combine-O-Tron 2000 to Harold proudly.

"I'll need to look at this behind the bushes." said Harold.

So he and George wobbled over to the bushes, unbuttoned the coat, switched the Combine-O-Tron 2000s, buttoned up the coat, and handed the fake Combine-O-Tron 2000 to Mr. Sneedly.

"Okay, everything seems to be in order." assured Harold. "Now, before the award gets presented, we'd like to get a photo of you!"

"Who's _we_?" asked Mr. Sneedly.

"Oh, I mean I'd like to get a photo of you." said Harold nervously.

George stuck his hand out of the coat with the Forgetchamacallit 2000. Mr. Sneedly looked at it in shock.

"Say cheese." said Harold.

Then, George pulled the trigger. _FLASH!_ Suddenly, Mr. Sneedly immediately forgot everything that just happened. Dazed and confused, he stumbled back to rejoin his wife just in time for the Robo-Boogers to come to life and smash the fake Combine-O-Tron 2000. As soon as it was safe, George and Harold started running back to the library as fast as possible, with the _real_ Combine-O-Tron 2000.

"That was easy." said George.

"Yeah, we sure got lucky this time." laughed Harold as they continued running.

Meanwhile, Em was watching them from the library window, proud of George and Harold for getting the real Combine-O-Tron 2000.

"Great job you two." she said quietly, while smiling.

So Em turned around to head back to the Purple Potty, but when she saw the library door open, she also saw an angry Miss Singerbrains standing in the doorway, glaring at her. Em gasped in horror as she covered her mouth, realizing that they weren't so lucky after all. Miss Singerbrains continued to glare at Em. A couple minutes later, George and Harold arrived with the Combine-O-Tron 2000 and the Forgetchamacallit 2000. Miss Singerbrains turns and looks at George and Harold, and then to Em once more.

"What the heck is going on here?" she shouted, outraged. "I just got back from the restroom and found a _purple portable potty_ in my library!"

"Quick, George," said Harold frantically. "Zap her with that forgetcha-thingy, quick!"

George attempted to do so, only for the Forgetchamacallit 2000 to be yanked out of his hand by Miss Singerbrains.

"Nobody's zapping anybody with anything!" she shouted again, also grabbing and yanking the Combine-O-Tron 2000 out of Harold's hand.

"I'm taking these things to the police right now," said a still-angry Miss Singerbrains. "I'll see what they have to say, and maybe they can sort this whole mess out!"

So Miss Singerbrains stomped downstairs with the two inventions, got into her car (while putting the Combine-O-Tron 2000 and the Forgetchamacallit 2000 in the backseat), and started driving to the police station.

"Dang, we were so close!" said Em. "Of all the luck!"

"We'll never catch up to her now." said Harold.

"Sure we will," assured George. "We just need some _wings."_

Ch. 11

65 Million Years Before The Day Before Yesterday

Harold grabbed a box of saltine crackers from the librarian's desk, then the three friends stepped into the Purple Potty and closed the door. George quickly reset the controls to the Cretaceous Period of the Mesozoic Era and pulled the chain. A flash of green light lit up the room, and the Purple Potty vanished. Suddenly, George, Harold and Em were transported back in time to the Cretaceous Period of the Mesozoic Era, a time when Dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Cautiously, the three opened the door and peeked out, with the Purple Potty now resting on the branches of a tall tree.

"Here chickie, chickie, chickie!" called George.

"Polly wanna cracker?" called Harold as he tossed a handful of saltines in the air.

Suddenly, the three were swarmed by hungry pterodactyls. Before long, a friendly looking pterodactyl (a Quetzalcoatlus to be exact) swooped down and grabbed some crackers from Harold's hand.

"Aww, look," said Harold. "He likes me."

"Great," said George. "Let's get him in the time machine and get out of here."

Harold carefully took the pterodactyl in his arms and carried him into the Purple Potty. Em closed the door, George then resetted the controls and pulled the chain. Suddenly, George, Harold, Em and their new reptilian pal were transported forward in time, to the day before yesterday. The door of the time machine swung open, and the four friends sailed out of the Purple Potty, through the library window and up over the town. George looked down the city streets until he finally located Miss Singerbrains' car.

"There she is!" cried George, pointing. "Down there!"

"This pterodactyl sure is friendly." said Em, while petting it.

"I do love our new pterodactyl," said Harold. "I'm gonna name him Crackers."

"Don't give him a name," said George. "We're not keeping him, we're just borrowing him."

George, Harold, Em and Crackers swooped down and landed on Miss Singerbrains' car, which was parked at a traffic light.

"AUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed Miss Singerbrains in horror at seeing a dinosaur land on the hood of her car.

"Wait!" cried George. "You're just dreaming."

"I'm dreaming?" asked Miss Singerbrains.

"Sure," said Harold. "Think about it. Purple Potties appearing out of nowhere, kids running around with laser zappers, pterosaurs landing on your car. This all only happens in dreams."

"Gosh, you're right," said Miss Singerbrains. "But it all seems so real!"

"Well, trust us, in a few minutes, you won't remember any of it!" assured Em.

Before long, George, Harold, Em, and Miss Singerbrains were all gliding back to school with their good pal Crackers. The Combine-O-Tron 2000 and the Forgetchamacallit 2000 were safe once again. Soon, they were all back in the library.

"Alright Harold," George began instructing. "Em and I will keep an eye on Miss Singerbrains. You go take Crackers back to where we found him."

"Aww, can't we keep him?" asked Harold.

"No," said George sternly. "He belongs in his own time, now take him back."

"Aww, maaaan!" said Harold downheartedly.

George gave Crackers a goodbye pet, Em gave Crackers a goodbye pet as well, and Miss Singerbrains had a saddened look on her face. Sadly, Harold carried Crackers into the Purple Potty and closed the door. After a few seconds, the time machine disappeared in a flash of green light.

"Harold sure bonded with Crackers well," said Em. "I hated to see him go."

"Me, too," said George. "But keeping a pterodactyl for a pet is too risky."

"Yeah, it was for the best," said Em. "But it wasn't easy either."

A half hour later, another flash of green light filled the room, and the Purple Potty was back, then Harold stepped out.

"What took you so long?" asked George.

"Uh... nothing." said Harold.

"Did you have any trouble taking Crackers back to his home?" asked George.

"Uh... not really." said Harold.

"You DID take him back to his home, didn't you?" asked George in a no-nonsense voice.

"Ummmm... sure." said Harold, even though he didn't _sound_ sure.

George quickly zapped Miss Singerbrains with the Forgetchamacallit 2000 and jumped into the Purple Potty with Harold and Em (who was carrying the Combine-O-Tron 2000). Then, with a flash of green light, they were gone.

Ch. 12

Back To The Present

The Purple Potty was now back at the present time, then George, Harold and Em stepped out with the Combine-O-Tron 2000 and the Forgetchamacallit 2000. Mr. Melvin was happy to see his Purple Potty returned... and even happier to see his beloved Combine-O-Tron 2000.

"Now, all I need," he said with a sneer. "Is to find Captain Underpants."

George, Harold and Em looked worried because of Mr. Melvin's attitude and anxiousness. Fortunately, Captain Underpants (who you'll probably remember looks just like Melvin Sneedly) wasn't too far away. Unfortunately, he spent the last two days getting himself into trouble. First, he started off by annoying a couple of old ladies. Captain Underpants had been helping them cross the street when he heard a little girl crying for her kitten, which was stuck in a tree. Captain Underpants rescued the kitty (much to the girl's relief), but Captain Underpants' "good deed" backfired since he left the old ladies in the tree.

"Hey," shouted one of the old ladies. "That flying kid just left us up here in a tree!"

"I'm gonna get that kid if it's the last thing I do!" shouted the other old lady.

Next, Captain Underpants was soaring above the football field when he encountered an unidentified flying object. It was made of brown leather and had white stitching on the side.

"Hmmm," said Captain Underpants, inspecting the object. "This might be a dangerous UFO."

He grabbed it and flew down to the football field where, oddly and unfortunately, the school's football team was having a big game.

"I don't want anybody to panic," shouted Captain Underpants. "But I just captured this UFO. I'm gonna take it to the moon where it can be safely destroyed."

Suddenly, the players from the visiting team tackled Captain Underpants, which cost the home team fifty yards... and ultimately, the game. This made the home team (and the fans of the home team) really angry.

"That kid just made us lose our biggest game of the year!" shouted Mr. Meaner.

"I'm gonna get that kid if it's the last thing I do!" snarled the quarterback.

Finally, Captain Underpants got onto the bad side of some skateboarders in the park. He had politely pointed out the _No Skateboarding_ signs, but the skateboarders refused to go away. So Captain Underpants had no choice but to snap their skateboards in half with his kung-fu kicking action. Then it was spankings for everyone!

"Dude!" cried one of the skateboarders. "That little dude just, like, duded our dudeboards."

"Dude," said the other skateboarder. "I'm gonna dude that dude if it's the last dude I dude!"

Ch. 13

The Big Switcheroonie

Mr. Melvin ordered George, Harold and Em to stick their heads out the window and call for Captain Underpants. Soon, the Waistband Warrior appeared.

"Welcome, Captain Underpants," said Mr. Melvin. "Would you like to pose for a picture?"

"Why, I'd be delighted!" said Captain Underpants.

"Great," said Mr. Melvin. "Just put some clothes on and stand over there!"

At first, Captain Underpants was reluctant to put on clothes, but he finally agreed. Mr. Melvin, who had been working all afternoon on reconfiguring the Combine-O-Tron 2000, pressed the start button, then ran and stood beside Captain Underpants. Suddenly, two glowing lasers began encoding the DNA of the two subjects it was about to combine. Then, a burst of brilliant gray light shot out of the Combine-O-Tron 2000 and formed a ball of energy between Captain Underpants and Mr. Melvin. They slid together into the gray light and formed a giant glob of fleshy goo. The newly reconfigured Combine-O-Tron 2000 then switched polarites and began the process of separating the two human elements. The gray ball of light slowly changed to a lovely shade of pink. Suddenly, there was a puff of smoke, and it was all over. Everybody's brains were back to where they belonged.

"Wow, that sure was a weird camera," said Captain Underpants (who now looks exactly like Captain Underpants). "Can I take off these clothes now? They're bad for my image!"

"Go right ahead." said Melvin (who now looks exactly like Melvin).

Finally, it looked as if everything was back to normal. But as we all know, looks can be deceiving.

Ch. 14

The Return Of The Ridiculous Robo-Boogers

Meanwhile, the POOPSIE space shuttle landed at the Piqua International Airport. It wasn't the smoothest of landings due to the fact that the Robo-Boogers had eaten most of the shuttle's tailfin and nearly all of it's rocket thrusters. Major Tomski and his crew barely escaped with their lives. Inside the library, Captain Underpants heard the astronauts' panicked cries for help.

"Well, this looks like a job for me!" he shouted triumphantly.

With a mighty "Tra-la-laaaa!", he leaped out the window...and fell to the ground from three stories high. George, Harold and Em screamed as they ran downstairs and outside, to where Captain Underpants was.

"Captain Underpants, are you okay?" cried Em with worry.

"Speak to us!" cried Harold.

"Come on Captain Underpants, say something!" cried George.

Captain Underpants slowly lifted his head up in confusion. "Mommy..." he said weakly. "...my train went swimming in the piano."

Meanwhile, over at the Piqua International Airport, Carl, Trixie and Frankenbooger had just finished eating the space shuttle and were now starting to munch on the control tower. The three globby gluttons grew bigger and bigger with every enormous bite.

"C'mon, Captain Underpants," cried Em. "You've gotta save those people!"

"But I forgot how to fly." said Captain Underpants sheepishly.

"You didn't forget," said Melvin, who was now floating above their heads. "You've just LOST your super powers. But don't worry, they've been safely transferred into _MY_ body. Now I'm the world's greatest superhero!"

"Melvin," cried George. "Those Robo-Boogers came back to Earth! They're attacking all the people at the airport! You've got to help those people!"

"I'm not doing a thing until you all change that comic book," Melvin insisted. "And you'd better make look cool this time!"

"But there's no time," cried Harold. "Those people need your help NOW!"

"Well, you'd better start drawing then, art boy!" said Melvin.

Ch. 15

Never Underestimate The Power Of Underwear

George, Harold and Em begged Melvin to use his super powers to save the day, but Melvin continued to refuse. Finally, Captain Underpants stepped in.

"You may have taken my super powers away," said the Waistband Warrior. "But I still have the power of underwear by my side. And nobody can take that away from me!" Captain Underpants turned and ran to the airport.

"Melvin," cried George frantically. "if you don't do something, those boogers will _kill_ Mr. Krupp!"

"That's not my fault," said Melvin. "You were the ones who wrote that stupid comic book about me. Now change it, or ELSE!"

George, Harold and Em looked at one another. Their choice was simple: either fight with Captain Underpants (and probably die) or give in to the dark side and live. The three kids turned and ran to the airport. George, Harold and Em quickly caught up with Captain Underpants. Soon, they were all at the airport witnessing the carnage of the Ridiculous Robo-Boogers.

"Tra-la-laaaaa!" Captain Underpants triumphantly shouted from below.

Suddenly, the three Robo-Boogers turned toward the familiar sounding voice. Quickly, their laser-guided eyeballs zoomed in on the four of the heroes who made their lives so miserable back in chapter 1. Immediately, the Robo-Boogers leaped toward George, Harold, Em and Captain Underpants... and the chase was on... again!

Ch. 16

Vitamin C You Later

The Robo-Boogers continued chasing George, Harold, Em and Captain Underpants, until at last, the four friends were cornered at a local shopping center. In a desperate attempt to save themselves, the four brave heroes started to take items from the sales bins and started throwing them at the snarling beasts. George snatched a pair of low-fat tennis shoes and tossed them at Trixie. Trixie gobbled them up. Harold grabbed a tube of delicious cherry-flavored hemmorhoid ointment and flung it at Frankenbooger. Frankenbooger swallowed it whole. Em picked up a genetically-modified, orange-flavored orange and chucked it at Carl. Carl chewed it up with a smug grin. All of a sudden, Carl's eyes began to grow abnormally large. The haughty smile on his face turned into a panicked gasp as the wet, gooshy snot that covered his body began to dry up and crumble. Huge, crispy booglets shot off of his smoldering robotic endoskeleton like green popcorn, much to Em's surprise.

"What's going on?" cried Harold.

"It's the oranges!" cried George. "It's gotta be the vitamin C in these oranges. It's combatting the cold and flu that turned those boogers evil!"

Carl thrashed around brutally as more and more of his disintegrating body cracked off and fell to the ground. Finally, the lights in his panic-stricken laser eyes slowly went out. He stumbled over and crashed horribly into the parking lot. Carl... was dead. George, Harold, Em and Captain Underpants started chucking the oranges at Trixie and Frankenbooger. But the two remaining Robo-Boogers became cautious to the power of the deadly oranges. They jumped, ducked, dodged and darted, doing whatever they can to avoid the deadly oranges.

"I've got an idea!" said Captain Underpants. He grabbed two crates of oranges and ran off, while George, Harold and Em continued chucking oranges.

"Where does he think he's going?" asked George.

"I don't know," said Harold. "But his idea better work, because we're running out of oranges!"

Soon, George, Harold and Em were down to their last two oranges. They threw as hard as they could, but alas, the potent projectiles missed their targets. Then, while laughing, Trixie picked Em up, while Frankenbooger picked George and Harold up. The Robo-Boogers started dangling their victims above their mouths. George, Harold and Em started waving goodbye to one another as this started happening.

"Well, it looks like this is the end." said George.

"Yeah, it was fun while it lasted." said Harold.

"Take care you two," said Em. "it was nice knowing you."

Suddenly, the Robo-Boogers heard a familiar "Tra-la-laaaa!" Trixie and Frankenbooger put George, Harold and Em down and stomped over to where they heard the "Tra-la-laaaa!" coming from. They found Captain Underpants standing on top of a large novelty toilet, which was on the roof of John's House of Toilets. He was shouting "Tra-la-laaaa!" and doing a very annoying dance, which started making the Robo-Boogers very angry.

Ch. 17

Squishies, Part 2

After watching that stupid dance for several minutes, Trixie and Frankenbooger had enough, they couldn't stand to watch it for even one second longer. So they pushed down on the seat of the large novelty toilet to hoist themselves up onto the roof. _SPLAT! SPLAT!_ Unfortunately for Trixie and Frankenbooger, they had been so annoyed by the Underpants Dance that they hadn't noticed the two crates of oranges, placed carefully under the gigantic toilet seat. When they pushed down, the pressure of the toilet seat crushed the orange crates, spraying delicious vitaminy orange juice all over their big, bad boogery bodies. George, Harold, Em and Captain Underpants watched as their montrous archenemies began decomposing before their very eyes.

"What happened to them?" asked Em.

"I gave them a _Squishy,"_ explained Captain Underpants. "It's the latest fad."

The Robo-Boogers jerked around wildly as the quickly drying snot crumbled off of their smoking robotic endoskeletons. Then, after a few minutes, they slowly tumbled to the ground in two metallic heaps. Trixie and Frankenbooger... were dead. Captain Underpants bowed triumphantly, George and Harold jumped up and high-fived each other, while Em did some sort of victory dance.

Ch. 18

"Big Melvin"

Soon, Ingrid Ashley from Channel 4 Eyewitness News arrived at the scene.

"So how did you four manage to destroy the Robo-Boogers?" she asked.

"Well, umm..." Em started to say. But then...

"I'll answer that!" said Melvin Sneedly, as he swooped in front of the cameras.

He was robed in some old drapes that he had tied around his neck at the very last minute, and he looked quite silly.

"I, Big Melvin, had fought those monsters with my mighty super powers," Melvin fibbed. "Then I destroyed them with my super smart brain!"

Em gasped as she covered her mouth in disbelief, stunned and angry, that Melvin is taking credit for their good deed.

"No, you didn't!" shouted Harold, outraged.

"Yeah," yelled George. "You weren't even here!"

Even Captain Underpants gave a stunned, wide-eyed look at Melvin for taking credit for something he didn't even bother doing.

"Don't listen to those guys," said Melvin. "I, _BIG MELVIN,_ am the real hero here."

Melvin flew above the defeated Robo-Boogers and used his new laser eye-beams to burn the letters _B_ and _M_ into the ground, in front of the dead creatures.

"Just like Zorro," said Big Melvin. "I shall sign my initials on all of my heroic handiwork. Whenever you see a big _BM_ , you'll think of me!"

"That's funny," said George. "Big _BM_ s have always made me think of you."

Big Melvin flew over to Captain Underpants and grabbed him by the arm. "Now," said Big Melvin, "the entire world shall bear witness to the humiliating defeat of Captain Underpants!"

Suddenly, George, Harold and Em got an idea. They turned and ran back to the school as Big Melvin continued threatening Captain Underpants.

"I command you to bow down to me!" said Big Melvin.

" _Never_!" said Captain Underpants.

"You SHALL bow down to me!" insisted Big Melvin.

" _I SHAN'T_!" cried Captain Underpants.

"Then," said Big Melvin as he untied the drapes around his neck. "You will feel the power of my wrath!"

Big Melvin held his drapes tightly, then smacked Captain Underpants in the tushie with them.

"I command you to deny underwear and accept the power of Big Melvin!" he shouted insistently.

"No _way_ , _Pedro_!" cried Captain Underpants. Big Melvin smacked Captain Underpants in the tushie again.

"Bow down to me," Big Melvin commanded. "And I shall spare your life!"

"Aww, go jump off a duck!" said Captain Underpants defiantly, raising a fist into the air while covering his tushie in pain with his other hand.

Suddenly, George, Harold and Em returned to the scene, out of breath, while hiding something behind their backs.

"Hey, Big Melvin!" shouted George, huffing and puffing.

"WHAT?" yelled Big Melvin.

Harold pulled out the Combine-O-Tron 2000 from behind his back and aimed it at Melvin and Captain Underpants, while Em pulled out the Forgetchamacallit 2000 from behind her back.

"You shouldn't leave your toys lying around in the library, bub!" said George slyly.

Melvin shrieked in horror as Harold pulled the trigger. _BLAZZZZT!_ A blinding flash of gray light shot out of the Combine-O-Tron 2000, surrounding Melvin and Captain Underpants, squishing them together. George had reset the controller to combine them both, transfer the super powers back to Captain Underpants, and separate them.

"I sure hope this works!" stated Em.

"Me, too." said George.

"Same here!" agreed Harold.

It did.

Ch. 19

With Big Underwear Comes Big Responsibility

Big Melvin fell to the ground with a thud. Immediately, Captain Underpants began floating in the air.

"Hey," cried Captain Underpants with joy. "I've got my super powers back. I knew that underwear would never let me down!"

Em turned around and zapped the Channel 4 Eyewitness News team with the Forgetchamacallit 2000. _FLASH!_ Suddenly, the Channel 4 Eyewitness News team (as well as everybody at home watching the event unfold) immediately forgot everything that just happened. The Channel 4 Eyewitness News team, dazed and confused, packed up and left. Everybody was happy that everything was finally back to normal, well everybody except Melvin, I should say. Melvin attempted to get up and walk away (as he still refused to acknowledge that he was lying and trying to take credit for something he didn't do, and wasn't willing to admit that what he did was wrong), only to meet Em's angry, glaring eyes once he got back onto his feet. Melvin smiled nervously, as if to say that things weren't as bad as they seemed. But Em, of course wasn't even fooled in the slightest, so she kept glaring at Melvin. Then Em slapped Melvin in the face, hard (but not too hard) as punishment for his actions, much to a frightened Melvin's shock.

"Waaaaaah!" sobbed Melvin. "I want my super powers back. That slap to my face was unjustified!"

Em ignored Melvin's complaints, still glaring at Melvin with anger. George and Harold also ignored Melvin's complaints.

"Aww, quit your whining, bub!" said George angrily.

"You've been a total jerk for the last two books!" said Harold, seething with anger.

"Yeah Melvin," said Em, who was still angry at Melvin. "That slap to the face was to teach you a lesson! You should also be happy that you didn't get your bigger comeuppance!"

Ch. 20

Comeuppance See Me Sometime/Harold's Surprise

Soon, an angry crowd gathered and began to recognize Melvin.

"Hey!" cried Miss Anthrope, pointing a finger at Melvin. "That's the little squirt who said he was going to fire my hiney!"

"There he is," shouted a couple of angry old ladies. "That's the little brat who left us up in a tree!"

"That's him!" snarled the angry quarterback, along with the rest of the football team. "That's the little moron who made us lose the big game!" The entire team also cried at that.

"Dudes," yelled one of the skateboarders. "That's the little dude who duded our dudeboards a few dudes ago!"

"Heh, heh," laughed Melvin nervously, realizing that his bigger comeuppance was just about to begin. "Maybe I'll just go home now."

"GET HIM!" shouted the old ladies.

"AUUUGGGHHHHH!" screamed Melvin as he ran away, with the large group of angry civilians following him closely.

As Melvin and his angry mob ran off into the sunset, George, Harold and Em had one more thing to deal with. A quick squirt of water to Captain Underpants' face to bring him back to his Kruppy old self.

"Well, that takes care of that," said George, and the three friends started walking back to the treehouse, then he turned toward Em. "That was a great slap, Em."

"Yeah," agreed Harold. "You sure showed Melvin! The best slap I've seen so far!"

Em blushed at the compliments, with her cheeks turning red. "Thanks, guys." said Em in a high voice. "I guess I was so mad that I didn't realize the adrenaline was flowing that fast!"

"Thats okay," said George. "Melvin got what he deserved, you surely gave him the best one!"

"Yeah, no doubt about that," said Harold. "Melvin got what was coming to him!"

The three finally made it back to the treehouse. As George started climbing the ladder, Harold became quite fidgety.

"Ummmmmmm," said Harold nervously. "There's something I probably should tell you two."

George opened the door and peeked inside, with Em also coming to look.

"Hey!" said George. "I thought you took Crackers back to his home."

"I did," said Harold. "Back to his _new_ home."

"Harold," said George sternly. "we can't keep a pet pterodactyl. Do you know how many crackers they need to eat every day? We can never afford it!"

"I know..." said Harold sadly. "I was so hesitant to give him up due to bonding with him!"

George softened up a bit, as he also bonded with Crackers, as did Em.

"Look how cute Crackers is right now," said Em. "He even made friends with Sulu as well."

"Yeah," said Harold. "Even Sulu has a strong bond with Crackers. Can't we just keep Crackers for one night?"

"Well, alright," said George. "But we have to take him back tomorrow."

So George closed the door to the treehouse as quietly as possible (since they didn't want to disturb Sulu and Crackers' sleep). After climbing back down to the ground, George, Harold and Em started laughing with excitement.

"There's something else that we should be excited about!" stated Em.

"What's that, Em?" asked George and Harold.

She then gave both boys a quick peck on the cheek. "Well, I better get home for dinner, see you tomorrow." said Em as she walked into her house.

George and Harold were blushing, seeing that they were also remembering the other couple times they got a kiss from Em.

"Wow," said George, who was still blushing. "These moments are definitely unpredictable. Em just keeps getting better at kissing, even if it's just a peck!"

"Yeah," said Harold, who was still blushing as well. "She is truly a great kisser, for a Krupp girl! It just makes me wanna help her out more often!"

"Same here," said George. "These moments show up when we least expect them!"

The two boys laughed, and then they also headed back to their respective houses for the night.

Ch. 21

Tomorrow

The next day, George, Harold and Em returned to school, with Crackers tucked snugly into Harold's backpack and Sulu tucked into George's shirt pocket. Together, the five friends sneaked up to the library upstairs, where the Purple Potty stood before them in all of it's forbidden glory.

"Come on," said George. "Let's give this baby another spin."

"I don't know," said Harold. "Maybe we should give it a day to cool off."

"Nah, I'm sure it can be used two days in a row," said George. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"But, didn't Melvin warn us about what would happen if the time machine was used two days in a row?" asked Harold.

"Yeah," said George. "Back in chapter 9, near the end of the third paragraph."

"What exactly did he say?" asked Harold.

"Beats me," said George. "I'm not that good about remembering any details."

"Well, I don't know," said Harold. "What if our journey brings about the end of the world as we know it?"

"That's ridiculous," said George. "That all sounds like a setup for a sequel to a lame children's story."

"Perhaps we'll get lucky." said Em.

The five friends stepped into the Purple Potty (with George sitting on the right next to the control panel, Harold sitting at the far left, and Em sitting in between the two boys). George set the controller to the Cretaceous Period of the Mesozoic Era, and then pulled the chain. Suddenly, an orange light started flashing wildly.

"Hey, I don't remember seeing an orange light before." said Harold. Then the Purple Potty started rocking back and forth.

"I don't remember this thing shaking and rocking back and forth either." said George.

"Something is wrong," cried Em. "Something is terribly, _terribly_ wrong!"

Suddenly, the entire room lit up with an explosive burst of lightning, and the Purple Potty began to disappear into a whirlwind of electric air. The only thing that could be heard above the chaotic clatter was the sound of three terrified voices screaming into the unknown abyss. One voice gasped.

"Oh NO!" screamed a second voice.

"Here we go again!" screamed the third voice, as the Purple Potty disappeared into the unknown whirlwind of electric air.


End file.
